When a person dies
How to read the stories

When a person dies

It is sometimes hard to describe our feelings to other people, especially as they do not always know what to do or say to help. For someone with a learning disability this can be even more difficult. In the past many people with learning disabilities were not told when someone died. It was often thought that they would not understand or that they would get too upset. We know now that it is better to tell people if someone dies. It is vital to be sensitive to people’s feelings when telling bad news and it should be done by someone who knows them well.

Inclusion is important, not just immediately after the death, but in the following months and years. Many people with learning disabilities do not have the opportunity to grieve in a personal way. They may never have gone to visit the cemetery, but when given the chance many are keen to do so. If people are not given the chance to be involved in the collective activities of grief, or they are not supported to grieve in a personal way, it can become difficult for them to find ways to understand their loss.

Remembering is an important part of grieving, so it is vital that memories are available to people with learning disabilities. Life-story books, memory boxes or a family tree are useful ways of recording a person’s life history in a way that is accessible. This may help people not only to cope with death but also to enjoy life.

How to read the stories

There is no right or wrong way to read the stories.

Some people are not used to reading stories. Start at the beginning and read the story in each picture. Encourage the reader to move through the pages at their own pace.
Encourage the person to tell the story in their own words. You will discover what they think is happening, what they already know, and how they feel. If you are using the pictures to help explain a procedure to someone, you may need to describe or clarify the actions being shown in each picture to help them understand. Try not to challenge the reader(s) or suggest their ideas are wrong.
Some pictures may be more difficult to understand. It can help to prompt the people you are supporting, for example:
• Who do you think that is?
• What is happening?
• How is he or she feeling?
• Do you feel like that? Has it happened to you/ your friend/ your family?
Allow people enough time to follow the pictures at their own pace. Allow time for discussion of each picture.
Some people may benefit from reading the larger story from which the extract has been taken. This will allow them to explore their feelings and experiences in more depth. To buy the complete book, follow the link to the bookshop that appears at the end of the story.