Death and dying
How to read the stories

Death and dying

Talking about the illness and dying

‘Do I tell him?’ ‘What do I tell him?’ ‘How do I tell him?’ These are some of the most difficult questions for families and supporters. There is no simple answer. Some people don’t want to know, and that should be respected. But most people benefit from clear and straightforward explanations of what is happening to them. Sometimes their situation simply needs to be acknowledged. ‘Yes, you are very ill, and it makes you tired’, ‘No, I don’t think your legs will get stronger’. Honesty is needed, even if the question is extremely difficult: ‘Am I going to die?’ We have often seen how supporters try and make everything sound jolly and cheerful. The person may well respond to such jolliness with a smile, but in fact it often makes them feel confused and lonely inside. They can feel themselves that they are getting weaker, and yet everybody is saying that things are OK.

It is best not to tell any lies, and not to make the person believe that they will get better, if you know that they won’t. You also need to consider that the person may want to do certain things, or see certain people, before they die. Ask yourself, ‘If he knew he was dying, would he make different choices?’

Understanding the implications of the illness is particularly important if the person needs to make choices about having (or not having) certain medical treatments.

You will need to talk about this together with the other people supporting the person, including their family. If different supporters give the person different messages, that is even more confusing!

How to read the stories

There is no right or wrong way to read the stories.

Some people are not used to reading stories. Start at the beginning and read the story in each picture. Encourage the reader to move through the pages at their own pace.
Encourage the person to tell the story in their own words. You will discover what they think is happening, what they already know, and how they feel. If you are using the pictures to help explain a procedure to someone, you may need to describe or clarify the actions being shown in each picture to help them understand. Try not to challenge the reader(s) or suggest their ideas are wrong.
Some pictures may be more difficult to understand. It can help to prompt the people you are supporting, for example:
• Who do you think that is?
• What is happening?
• How is he or she feeling?
• Do you feel like that? Has it happened to you/ your friend/ your family?
Allow people enough time to follow the pictures at their own pace. Allow time for discussion of each picture.
Some people may benefit from reading the larger story from which the extract has been taken. This will allow them to explore their feelings and experiences in more depth. To buy the complete book, follow the link to the bookshop that appears at the end of the story.