Dating and relationships
How to read the stories

Dating and relationships

Loving is part of being human, and so is touching and being touched. Sex is a natural part of this, and the part we often find most difficult for ourselves, let alone trying to support anyone else.

People may need practical as well as emotional support about making friends and enjoying close and intimate relationships. This can create unique complications for parents and others who also wish to provide care and protection, but may not like their grown-up children’s choices. If their child has a learning disability this can make it harder to allow a ‘dignity of risk’. In the wish to protect, parents may be unaware they are stifling normal growth.

Some parents may feel more comfortable than others when discussing personal matters with their son or daughter. Others may find it helpful to talk first to a third party who knows their son or daughter well, if they have any concerns. Most important of all, their son or daughter should be encouraged to speak about these personal things, which they may think are taboo.

Hurt

Relationships can be painful and most of us can remember a time when we felt sad, lonely, angry, scared or lost because a loving relationship had come to an end. This sort of pain is part of being alive and when we try to protect someone, it takes away precious freedoms as well.

All young adults require privacy to develop emotionally and sexually. Where privacy is not provided, important areas of growth are spoilt or distorted. People with learning disabilities should have the chance to make ordinary mistakes, just as we all do. Their reward will be the opportunity to experience joy, excitement and fun as well.

Healthy and appropriate sexual expression should not be restricted, because people who are kept in ignorance are more likely to show disturbed behaviour or to be abused.

Legality, permission and consent

People often mix up these three concepts, and professionals in particular worry that they may be supporting a relationship that is unsafe, or even against the law. Health and safeguarding are very important. Above all, despite all practical concerns and social taboos, it is important to remember how vital human loving (including sexual love) can be for people’s health and happiness.

The most important concept is consent. Consent can sometimes be very complicated – for instance, someone consenting to medical treatment needs to know about side-effects, reasons for treatment and so on. But establishing consent to be in a relationship and to take part in intimate activity is usually much simpler. People often demonstrate their consent by their actions.

How to read the stories

There is no right or wrong way to read the stories.

Some people are not used to reading stories. Start at the beginning and read the story in each picture. Encourage the reader to move through the pages at their own pace.
Encourage the person to tell the story in their own words. You will discover what they think is happening, what they already know, and how they feel. If you are using the pictures to help explain a procedure to someone, you may need to describe or clarify the actions being shown in each picture to help them understand. Try not to challenge the reader(s) or suggest their ideas are wrong.
Some pictures may be more difficult to understand. It can help to prompt the people you are supporting, for example:
• Who do you think that is?
• What is happening?
• How is he or she feeling?
• Do you feel like that? Has it happened to you/ your friend/ your family?
Allow people enough time to follow the pictures at their own pace. Allow time for discussion of each picture.
Some people may benefit from reading the larger story from which the extract has been taken. This will allow them to explore their feelings and experiences in more depth. To buy the complete book, follow the link to the bookshop that appears at the end of the story.